Coming out is not a group project - and that's okay

Author: Daniel Muravsky, PhD, SFHEA, CMBE, Senior Lecturer in Marketing, UWS

LGBTQ+ History Month takes place from the 1st to the 28th of February 2025 and aims to increase the visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Check out our blog written by Daniel Muravsky, Senior Lecturer in Marketing at UWS. Daniel talks about inclusivity, fostering a safe environment for students at university and advice for what to do if you're put on the spot.

 

University is often described as a place where you can 'discover yourself', which is fantastic - until people start assuming they should be part of that discovery process. 

Maybe it’s a well-meaning professor who, in the middle of a lecture on market segmentation based on family structures, suddenly turns to a student and says, “And of course, some families have two dads, right?” The room goes quiet, eyes turn, and suddenly that student - who might not be out - is involuntarily made the face of same-sex relationships in higher education.

Because here’s the thing: coming out is a personal choice, not a group assignment. And in the rush to be inclusive, people sometimes forget that inclusivity should feel safe - not like a spotlight.

Inclusivity should not feel like a spotlight

Just because a university is welcoming does not mean every LGBTQ+ student wants to - or should feel pressured to - announce their identity. Some students arrive fully out and ready to lead every Pride event on campus. Others are still figuring things out. Some simply prefer to keep their personal life, well, personal. All are valid.

But inclusivity isn’t just about celebrating those who are vocal and visible - it’s also about creating an environment where privacy is respected. No one should feel like they have to 'confirm' their gender identity or sexuality just because someone else wants to feel like a good ally.

And making assumptions? That can be just as isolating as direct outing. If you wouldn’t randomly ask a classmate to declare their religious or political beliefs mid-lecture, why assume their sexuality or gender identity is up for discussion?

Fostering a safe and inclusive classroom

The best way to support LGBTQ+ students is not by putting them on the spot. It’s by creating a space where no one needs to come out just to feel accepted. This can be as simple as:

  • Using language that does not assume. Instead of structuring discussions around 'mums and dads' or 'boyfriends and girlfriends', using neutral terms like parents or partners makes everyone feel included without singling anyone out.
  • Respecting names and pronouns - without making it a test. If a student introduces themselves as Alex, that’s their name. No need for, “Is that your real name, or just a nickname?” (Spoiler: If they gave you a name, it’s real.)
  • Normalising small corrections. If you accidentally misgender someone, a simple correction and moving on is enough - no need for a long, guilt-filled speech. A quick "Sorry, they said…" keeps the focus where it should be.
  • Making inclusion feel natural, not performative. If LGBTQ+ perspectives are part of a discussion, great! But no one should be asked to speak on behalf of an entire community just because they might belong to it.

What to do if you're put on the spot

If you find yourself in a situation where someone unintentionally (or intentionally) outs you or makes you uncomfortable, here’s how you can handle it:

  • Redirect the conversation. A simple, “Actually, I think it’s interesting how brands market family structures differently across cultures - what do you think?” quickly shifts the focus without making things awkward.
  • Call it out (if you feel comfortable). A casual “I appreciate the inclusivity, but let’s not assume everyone’s at the same stage in sharing their identity” can be an easy way to get the point across without confrontation.
  • Use humour. If you’re feeling bold, a well-placed joke can shut things down without escalating the situation: “Wow, I didn’t realise I signed up for an identity Q&A today - do I get course credit for this?”
  • Say nothing. Seriously. You do not owe anyone an explanation. Awkward silence is also an answer.

A university should be a safe space - in every sense

At its core, LGBTQ+ History Month isn’t just about celebrating those who are loud and proud - it’s also about respecting those who aren’t. Some people want their door wide open. Others keep it slightly ajar. And some prefer it closed altogether. All are valid. At university, your identity is yours - not a debate, not a lecture topic, and definitely not anyone else’s business unless you choose to share it. And if there’s one lesson worth learning this LGBTQ+ History Month, it’s this: 

 

True inclusivity isn’t about making people come out. It’s about making sure they don’t have to - unless they want to.

 

Helpful resources

 

Blog written by Daniel Muravsky, PhD, SFHEA, CMBE, Senior Lecturer in Marketing, UWS | February 2025

Last updated: 10/02/2025